man, yesterdae i rekindled my QT with God. although its short abt 40min, yea, it was nonetheless good. His presence was so thick..=) jus love it when He touches me...:D yesterday, i also gave up earning more money to spend time with cel grp. i told e Lord, ure more important to me than anythin, i can give up everything of myself jus to be with u!

dunno y this morning somehow, e Devil was not happy n started to wreck my life, having known tt all his efforts to break me for e entire wk was in vain. this mornin my brother lied to me...i felt very sad...then i started to recall all e times when he lied to me...knowing tt i was abt to burst into rage n start shoutin around, i quickly ran into my room n locked myself. there i broke down n cried...at e same time having wild thoughts abt betrayal, suicide, death, murder, hopelessness....i told God this had to stop, so i seeked Him. for half-an-hr i was like in e valley of e shadow of death, feeling alone, but in e midst of darkness there's always e light. suffering under satan is worse than anything else, but thanks to His word which says, "ull not be tempted beyond waht u can bear. when u fall into temptation, God will provide a way out so tt u can stand up under it".

things sTarted to cool, i was tense later as cg started less than an hr later...i tried very hard not to think abt wad happened earlier. i gave my testimony.

after cg things went better, i had long forgiven my brother, but not myself...in my prayer to Him durin cg i asked for forgiveness...to renew my mind n i oso asked Him to help me grow n change to be more like Christ after tt incident. i had a
pep-talk frm my CGL n my parents...i felt uncomfortable telling my spiritual struggle with my parents...but i confided in my cgl n she gave me confidence to go up to e nxt lvl! =) indeed, i dun carE wad happens to me tom, later im gonna give my thanks n praise to e Lord my God in my QT! :D YeA!

God's love is greater than my circumstances, despite who i am, what ive done...he is faithful n He will rescue me! =)